Friday, July 18, 2008
Hot and bothered
I think I'm going to start spending my summers in Siberia. It was 34 degrees Celsius here today, felt like Fahrenheit 451. Traipsing outdoors, the sun rained hellfire upon me and fried up my brain like eggs on drugs. To make matters worse, it was humid, air so thick you have to chew it to inhale it, it's like walking through stew. By the time I got home, I was steaming hot and everything inside of me seemed to be swirling. It was as if I had just come back from jogging up a mountain only to be chased all the way back down by a cougar. From then on, I felt lethargic. My brain is on slow-mo, I think that thick air seeped into my head. An internal body waxing would be more pleasant. Weather like this should be illegal.
The weather left me not wanting to do a single thing, it made me wish I'd been aborted. I just had to lie in bed with everything swirling around and inside of me, staring, hearing impish laughter in my head, feeling defeated and intellectually impotent. The summer usually does slow down my productivity. Which, I mean, to be fair, most people in the summer don't care to do anything major anyway. It's supposed to be the time to act like a buffoon and sleep until noon. But if I'm not doing anything creative or at least saying I have something in the works, I get antsy. I want to do something, but the heat makes them seem unpleasant.
Some people like summer, because concomitant with the heat come the summer movies, most of them lately featuring superheroes. The new Batman movie's been released today, I'm not really a fan of superheroes or superhero movies. I doubt I will like this better than Tim Burton's Batman Returns which did not at all feel like a superhero movie to me, but rather a surreal black comedy. The villain in it was The Penguin, played by Danny Devito. When Max Shreck proposed he run for office, he said that his big issue could be to "End global warming, start global cooling!" I'm all for that. Now, I'm... an agnostic when it comes to global warming, but I'll do whatever it takes to diminish heat. If I were an American, and any of the presidential candidates made global cooling their main platform, they would have my vote immediately. They could put the last stakes in their economy, spread their military out so much that a Mickey Mouse military like Canada's could march right in and have a 10 minute coup d'etat, they could legalize cannibalism and bestiality, I wouldn't care, as long as they got rid of heat for good.
Welp...
See everyone in hell (it's cooler there than it is here)!
